Unravelled

Unravel is an interesting word with numerous descriptions. It means to undo, untangle untwist, unwind. It also means to resolve, decipher, settle, fathom and clear up.

In early 2018 I completely unravelled. For me, 'unravelling' did not exclusively refer to a painful and traumatic experience that I had in late November 2017. I did not realize it at the time I was unravelling, I was actually getting closer to my heart, my passion and what I truly wanted in my life. The process I went through while I was in the depths of despair had me questioning everything, I ever knew about myself and all the experiences and relationships in my life.

At the time, I just wanted my unravelling to stop before it drove me completely mad. I couldn't comprehend that I was still evolving, changing and subconsciously reviewing all the good things I had felt about myself and the achievements I had made on a personal and professional level. I had forgotten about all of the relationships I had cultivated and all of the experiences good and bad that had moulded me in many shapes and forms. I wasn't able to express my gratitude and love to my husband and family because I was numb and void of any emotion. For much of 2018, I felt powerless to fight for myself and accept that I needed help and that I needed to change. I had always been the person that everyone else had approached for help.

By what I think now was a small miracle in July 2018, I was approached by 2 of my closest swimming friends who asked me to coach them to do a 7k swim for the 1st time. I had confided in them that I was severely depressed but they thought that returning to my secret sanctuary (the lake) would help me. I was anxious and afraid to let them down so I showed up at the lake every second day with a workout in hand. We swam and swam and swam some more. 3 weeks later, we did the 7-kilometre swim and placed 1st, 2nd and 3rd in our age group of 60-69. We were ecstatic and that day was a personal victory for me. I felt a tiny bit of my self-esteem and self-confidence returning. 

I have been back to operating my business since October 2018 and I am able to write with a sound mind and speak with a strong voice. I am far calmer, more humble, kinder and extremely grateful to be alive and well. Today, my feet are solidly on the ground (when they aren't in the lake) and my business is very successful. I look to the future with optimism and enthusiasm and I have a renewed sense of fortitude and determination to take me there. 

Recently, I was invited to give a keynote address to a group of 102 women at a Kelowna Women in Business event. About mid-way in my keynote, I noticed that many women in the audience had tears rolling down their cheeks. While I know they were feeling empathy for me, I also knew that they were reflecting on their own struggles and challenges as women. When I concluded my talk, I received a standing ovation and I was approached by a long line up of women who wanted to thank me for having the courage and conviction to tell my story and help them reflect on their own lives. I was overwhelmed that evening and to some extent I still am.

I believe we all 'unravel' or have the potential to at some point in our lives. It isn't always a crisis that takes us there as it can happen for many different reasons. It is hard work to be our best but I am never going to stop working on being the best version of myself. I hope that my post today will give you some hope and encouragement that if you find yourself unravelling, you will come back just like I did to be a stronger and better version of yourself. If I can every help you in this process, don't hesitate to contact me.

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